Bollywood News Irrfan cherished soul-to-soul conversations. I miss those the most, says wife Sutapa Sikdar
The passing of Irrfan, one of the most respected actors across the globe, on April 29, 2020, was a huge loss to the world of cinema. On the occasion of his birth anniversary, wife Sutapa Sikdar spoke to Bombay Times about life post-Irrfan, who would have turned 55 today, and how he changed her as a person.
She reminisced, “You never get over the loss of a loved one. You just learn to deal with the pain. He left when he was beginning to enjoy the best phase of his career. He had six
massive films in his kitty, including huge international projects, but fate had other plans.”
Healing from such a loss isn’t easy and Sutapa went on to tell us what’s helped her sail through this. “There’s a word called ‘sabar’ in Urdu, which gave me strength and peace to carry on. I think of that word and surrender to the almighty,” she said.
Speaking of birthdays, Irrfan wasn’t a fan of birthday celebrations as he found it all materialistic. “He didn’t remember birthdays, including his own. When we were courting in the early years, it took me a while to accept that. I, on the contrary, loved big celebrations. Irrfan would say, ‘I have no idea how many new days they invent every year. Puray planet par toh hum insaan bojh hain aur mai kya celebrate karu? Main ek aur saal jee liya isliye?’ Valentine’s Day was out of the question and he believed birthday celebrations were marketing strategies for gifting companies.”
She added, “I gave up the idea of getting him any surprise gifts. Although he would surprise me randomly by saying, ‘I have bought land for you, where we will build a farm.’ That had nothing to do with any special occasions. The day he felt like doing something special, he would do it. Farming and jungle safaris made him feel at peace.”
The actor often even teased his wife by saying, “Tumhara kya hai, you will fall for a man who will remember your birthday.”
Despite the playful scoffing, Sutapa followed her birthday rituals religiously. She explained, “I still kept making Chawal ki kheer on his birthday. He would not know what to say to people who called to wish him. He wasn’t comfortable with small talk or receiving compliments. He hated taking selfies. He would often ask people, ‘Yaar tumhare paas agar phone nahi hota, toh kya tum mujhe yaad nahi rakhte?’”
She added teary-eyed, “In April this year, it will be two years since his passing and not a single day goes by without us remembering him. What he truly cherished were soul-to-soul conversations, and I miss having those with him the most. Everything else can be compensated for. I have friends who are there for me, but with whom do I have those great conversations? My life is devoid of good conversations now. It’s unbelievable for me to fathom a world without Irrfan.”
As close as the two were, they had different temperaments, and Irrfan was a calming influence on his wife. Sutapa said, “It was he who taught me to be less anxious. I am a high-pitched, gregarious person. I scold loudly, love loudly, and laugh loudly. Irrfan was a gentle soul like our younger son Ayaan, who is shy and soft-spoken. Thanks to what I have learned from Irrfan, I will see to it that Babil (elder son) chooses the best of scripts, but I won’t interfere beyond that. I will allow life to happen to him.”
She concluded, “The biggest gift that Irrfan gave us is the ability to reflect on our thought process. The most difficult thing to practice in the film industry is, to be honest. He retained his honesty. He never answered phone calls just to make some director happy. But when he was battling the disease for over two years, he mellowed down. He’d say, ‘What if my criticism of someone’s art makes them less confident?’ That was him realizing that it’s more important to be nice to another person than being brutally honest.”
News source: E TIMES entertainment TIMES
